I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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