shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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