Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
