you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
