I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
