Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
