birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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