I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
