In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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