So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
