For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
