If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex