nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat