OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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