So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.