life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?