Midget sex pt 2 tonight
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize