I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
