So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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