we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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