At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
