So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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