Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize