Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
PANTIES FOUND
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