I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
