wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
