Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
