woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
