In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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