Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
