you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
