ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize