Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
