The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
