Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
