I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
