I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
