He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
