i permit you to call me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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