Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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