we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
