I accidentally had phone sex last night
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
