are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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