so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
