She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
