just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
