Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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