so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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