don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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