and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
