i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
