so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
40s are totally the cure
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
