porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
