I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
