can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
