i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
