Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
