First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
