is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
