Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
