I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
