That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
