I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
