I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
