well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
