ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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