This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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