...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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