I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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