It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
