There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
