New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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