You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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