OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
