I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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