worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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