Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
