i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
