just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
