i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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