im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
