You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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