he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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