I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
