I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
