i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
