When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
